Back to life...back to reality! A few days ago I finally escaped my 12-day meditation enduced coma. I am not even sure where to begin to explain this unique experience. Let's start with the fact that I was straight up legs crossed, back straight, hands on knees, eyes closed meditating for TEN AND A HALF HOURS a day!! Seriously. Before this retreat, I don't even think I could sit still for 5 minutes! From 4:30am to 9:30am the 8 meditation sessions were broken up by meals, a meeting with the teacher, and a video discourse on the technique. Sometimes I would be meditating for 4 hours straight! For three of the sessions, we weren't even allowed to move at all for 1-hour! If I had an itch, forget about it.
Let's add the fact that no technology (music, computers, phones, etc.), writing, or talking were allowed. Bascially, my fellow 100 or so students were supposed to create a feeling of isolation. Surprisingly, giving up all these "luxuries" wasn't the hard part...talking, eehh, is overrated. The hard part was working through meditation.
The type of meditation I was practicing is called Vipassana, an ancient Indian technique discovered by Buddha. Vipassana focuses the mind on the body's physical sensations. The idea is to train the mind to neither have cravings for good sensations or aversions to bad sensations. When equanimity or balance to all sensations is achieved, suffering and misery are eradicated. It sounds crazy, but if you think about it, all misery is tied to craving for things we want (money, love, etc.) or aversion to things we don't want (sickness, pain, etc.). The energy from cravings and aversions are built up in our bodies over time and block the mind from ultimate happiness. It is about accepting what is real and true in the moment, whether good or bad, and realizing that ultimately everything changes at some point.
This is how the meditation worked in practice. In order to train the mind to focus, the first step is to observe breath. So, for the first 3 days, all I did was sit (FOR 10 1/2 HOURS!) and just breathe, feeling my breath go in and out of my nostrils. On day 4 apparently the mind is trained, and I started observing sensations all over my body. Starting from the top of my head and down to my toes, I observed any sensation - sweat, tingling, vibration, pain. At first there was a lot of aversion, "Oh my gosh make the pain go away!" But eventually the pain subsided, and I started to feel waves of electricity pulsing through my body from head to toe. It was crazy!! Those sensations were always there, but my mind was always focused on so many other outside distractions. By day 7, once my mind was able to become balanced and stop any new craving or aversion, I was able to purge all the built up energy. I kid you not, I could feel the energy gather in my chest and rise through my throat. It was like little demons trying to escape. Now, it is not likely that ultimate healing is achieved in 10 days, so there is more healing to be done, but I know I am on the right track.
I can already see a difference in how I think and act. I can honestly say I am truly happy in this moment. Because this moment is all I have. I am not going to waste any more time hurting from the past or wishing for things in the future. It is what it is. May all things be happy.
More lessons to come from the newly enlightened one:)
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